“She’s pregnant”! Those were the gut wrenching words that I didn’t want to hear at the age of 17. Looking at my mother overwhelmed, her emotions immediately began to shift into sadness. I knew then what disappointment looked like. Unable to face my harsh reality, I grabbed a hold to shame and disgrace. Tears of regret flooded my face as I desperately attempted to comfort her from the shattered images she once had of a perfect me. In the midst of our emotional distress, I hear the nurse say, “There are other options.” My mother turns to me with a stern face and says, “Keep your baby.” I reassured her that I would, but it would’ve been great to know the level of scrutiny I opened the door for. This scrutiny followed me for many years to come……
Many would look at me and ask, “How old are you?” I knew that they associated my teenage looking face with thoughts that screamed another sad case of a “child raising a child”. Indeed they were right, I was a child raising a child and there were many things I and baby Kaidyn had to learn together. There were a lot of days filled with discouragement and loneliness. I often questioned why God would allow me to have a child at such a young age, considering the majority of my peers were making irresponsible choices as well. But even in those times of questioning, I soon found sweet joy in being a mother.
Baby Kaidyn, in a lot of ways, pushed me into becoming a fighter even in disbelief and discouragement. Thoughts of being mediocre, or a failure at best, were conquering my perception of how I saw my future. The world showed me that my mistakes were unforgivable and that someone like me could never possess greatness or power. But I am pleased to report that God has used my mistakes and turned it into a ministry!
"I was once enslaved and a follower of inferiority, but now I see all along that I possessed the power of leading the minority."-Danielle Fleming
So I have a question Ladies. Do you feel called to lead, but feel beaten and discouraged to do so? No matter how much the world tells you that your mistakes are too many, or that you just don’t have what it takes, I encourage you to step out and grab a hold to chance. Not by any means am I promoting teenage pregnancy, because marriage is the most beautiful covenant God could have ever created. But I will say we shouldn’t place limits, or give into negative thoughts of the young mothers who are now trying to modify their lives.
Mahatma Gandhi quotes, “Be the change you want to see in this world.” When others see how God pulled you out of the choke-hold of shame and disgrace, you can only expect to inspire other young women to follow suit.
Because of your trouble, pain and rejection God promises you will receive double for your troubles. The bible tells us, “Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours!”-Isaiah 61:7.
At a young age I had to be labeled as an outcast so that I could one day share how God was my refuge, friend and comforter. It was grace that was given to me when I had to experience the sorrow of rejection. I wouldn’t be able to minister to you had I just given up on baby Kaidyn before he was birthed. Every encounter and experience in my life, God allowed as a learning mechanism for me. Yes I was, and still sometimes can be afraid and timid at what others will say about my shortcomings. But I see very clearly now that God likes to show what his grace looks like through people who the world would stamp as failures.
So go ahead ladies and step out and be who God has called you to be! There’s a LEADING LADY in YOU!